Category: Story Case

FIST to PALM: blossoming

Like every kid, I had nightmares. Sometimes the only way to shake such gripping dreams is to launch oneself into mom and dad’s bed – right in the middle, where a safe, nightmare-free haven can always be found. I could never explain these dreams with any satisfaction – even for myself! Now it seems funny that I could never rationalize what scared me so. I believe the term “giant pennies” was COINED as a poor explanation of my dream time sensation. There were no striking visuals or sounds, just a feeling. I was up against these huge blocks with an overwhelming feeling of stuckness. It seemed like things were growing and getting too big & crammed together, but what? There was nothing to make any sense of!

JULY 08

It has been years since this dream has recurred. But recently I re-experienced the exact, old, familiar sleep sensation. In fact, this happened several times, only now I am a young woman – no longer a child. I am working on a farm, sleeping on a twin bed in my tent in the afternoon. Since my labor is so physically exhausting, my practice has been two naps a day, and I sleep very well, if for only a short time. During one of these siestas, I again experience the uneasy sensations from my childhood. The dream is still very uncomfortable, but not nightmarish. As I float closer to waking, I become aware that what I am feeling is the actual bodily sensation of my muscles contracting. I feel my gripping fingers, hands and arms pressed together against my own body. My jaw is full of tension also. Asleep, I made myself into a big clenched knot! As a child, my parents sometimes heard me grinding my teeth in the night. Certainly this habit contributed to my dreamy discomfort. What a simple, logical explanation! Now the sensation is approachable, helping me to unlock the gripping fear of old patterns! By revealing the pattern, I release the need to repeat it. Cool!

JAN 09

I am still in the process of releasing this tension. Through practice I have noticed several things. When I unclench my fists and relax them it allows energy to flow through. This is especially essential when I am on the wintry trail riding a mountain bike. I need to maintain a relaxed grip so that I can hold on and control the bike, while also keeping my blood flow up. My circulation is improved; my hands become warm.

I have also noticed a benefit when I can relax my body in meditation. I sit, palms facing the sky, up and open (although their instinct is to close – this is necessary reconditioning after all those years) to what will come. Often in the last few months I notice a current of energy moving through my hands. It is especially strong when I am in circle, with others who help elevate healing vibrations. I know this is part of a new chapter of learning and I am open to what will come from my new awareness. I am amazed at the transformation that has come!!

LIGHTbulb Moment: Wisdom

We\’re brought up in a culture that tells us, \”You are what you do.\” When people say, \”Tell me about yourself,\” we immediately talk about career, as if that is a complete and perfect definition of who and what we are. In many parts of the East this is not the case. Someone will say, \”Tell us about yourself. Are you a painter?\” And the response will be, \”No, I paint, but I am not a painter.\” There\’s recognition of the separation between who the person is and the activity they\’re performing. They are a person and they are just doing something. That was a big lesson for me, recognizing that I am something other than, and maybe more important than, what I do. To learn not to define myself by what I do for a living, and that my work is an outgrowth of who I am, rather than it being the reason for who I am. That\’s one of the main things I got from studying Eastern thought.

To be compassionate is to feel somebody else\’s pain, to recognize and feel somebody else\’s situation. We pay a lot of lip service to that idea, and it\’s easy to say, \”Yeah, I know exactly where you\’re coming from.\” But I think rarely do people actually feel what\’s going on in another person. That\’s what real compassion is.

One of the worst aspects of fame is that is can start to solidify your picture of yourself. It can turn you into something static and lifeless. The perfect opposite of that was Picasso, who redefined himself with every new picture. He kept changing styles. He didn\’t seem to give a damn how he was going over, or what a specific gallery would want from him. Fame, in its worst aspect, defines for the person who they want to continue being and it can deprive you of your growth. Either you\’re growing or your decaying; there\’s no middle ground. Even if you\’re standing still, you\’re decaying.

-Alan Arkin, from the book Wisdom by Andrew Zuckerman