Deep session

I had a deep session today full of gentleness and joy! An important aspect of my progress is setting the intention. I am committed to see this through. And I trust myself that it will not be another trauma to heal the old one.

I realize that my type A perfectionist personality is really fighting my ability to fully relax and heal with ease.

I see improvement in waves. Some days I just lay on the table and think about a coffee shop the whole time. Some days I’m preoccupied with drama of the day in my head and sometimes I’m in my body, but just can’t get out of my own way.

Today there was a release at the top of my shoulders from this pushing up up up all the time. It let go in waves down my back, with a couple white tips trying to hold on as the release rolled down my spine.

By the end I was floating on the table– such ease in my body. Some choppy places tried to stand and object but they were kindly quieted and released.

At the end of the session I had the sensation that my left arm and leg were hanging off the side (they weren’t). It is the old memory? My left shoulder is joining me in the present moment!

I realize that I have a big cloud of fear and protection around my injury. No critic bigger than myself as I’ve worked to resolve this injury over the years. You can work hard at a lot of things, but not relaxing!!!

I am becoming aware of my unconsciousness in these parts of my body. They are waking up to now– with a sensation that I liken to a gong– it’s the shock of the trauma– this humming. When it passes, there is peace. There is a regenerated body and new nervous system. There is me, trusting myself and the safe space my healer and I have created. There are no surprises. I am doing the work. I am seeing the results. I am catching up with my future self and growing from experiences of the past.

Last week my healer asked me, “Do you by chance have another name?” I do. I walked into a store to pickup an order yesterday and was asked the same. I am opening to my innate power. Meeting myself by another name. Hello, nice to meet you.

Story Medicine

It is so tempting to use our energy worrying about others. It’s easy to redirect our attention to those around us, rather than confront an uncomfortable truth of our own.

1. Master Your Self

2. Honor the Free Choice of Others

I adopted these practices at the beginning of the year. I’m focusing on my personal growth and healing. I am learning to set boundaries that support my wellbeing.

I go to craniosacral therapy weekly. It makes me stop and “do nothing,” which I always need help with. It relaxes my muscles, calms my nerves and slows down my mind, making space for me to BE in my body!

I am healing myself from an injury in 1999 where I fell 6′ onto my head from the high jump. I have a chronic twist from the torque applied to my torso in that fall. I believe my psoas, diaphragm, stomach, nervous system, shoulder, neck and spine were affected.

Part of me is afraid to unwind all that is twisted up in my body from a twenty year old trauma. I am surrendering that idea and giving over to trusting myself.

On the table I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. I try to let thoughts drift by. I face the fact that my mind can not unlock this puzzle and doesn’t need to think in this moment. My body will show the way.

In the spring I embraced the metaphor of blossoming as part of my healing story. I had a couple sessions where I could visualize the energy through my torso like a yin yang of dark shadowy space and white light space. A wavy line separating light and dark as if it were an energetic fault in my body.

I have the sensation of a gong moving through me- vibrating, releasing and rebalancing.

I’m hearing my body speak. I’m experiencing it in new ways. I’m moving back in to renewed awareness of parts of me. Being fully present and connected to it feels like coming home. My fingers and toes tingle.

Stuck energy is evaporating away, layer by layer. I’m unwinding. I’m learning to relax fully and deeply. I’m realizing it takes practice to relieve stress but that I alone can empower myself to heal.

Autumn awaits and with it the harvest. I have set boundaries with people in my life as a form of self care. I ask permission and want to be asked permission. I speak my needs from a loving place. I look for positive ways to connect where everyone is comfortable. It can feel uncomfortable to have the conversation, but it’s important to be truthful up front so that everyone can be happy.

Two weeks ago on the table, I had a sense of all the people that I care about circled around me. I saw and felt the energetic connection to each person as pure love. I put aside worry, discord and any need to fix anything between us. I trust others’ choices for their life and love them no matter what! I honor them.

I am here, at the center of this beautiful circle.

My awareness moves into the bubble that I inhabit. Here. I am safe. I trust myself. I find myself, loving myself, sending love to others and surrounded by people that I love no matter the circumstance. All of my friends and family surround me in a harmonious and balanced way.

I am prompted to speak my truth and tell my story. I am meeting my higher self- a melting inward.