How much longer do I wait?

\”The answer came to me. Wait as long as you need to. The waiting is as important as the doing. It\’s the time you spend training and the rest in between; its painting the subject and the space in between; its the written words, what is said, what is left unsaid, the space between the thoughts on the page, that makes the story, and its the space between the notes, the intervals between fast and slow, that makes the music. It\’s the love of being together, the spacing, the tension of being apart, that brings you back together. Just wait, he will return.

I\’ve got to do something, I told myself, but I didn\’t know what. Just waiting there and watching… wasn\’t accomplishing anything, but swimming around in circles wasn\’t accomplishing much either. Maybe if I think very hard [he] will hear me. Maybe [he] won\’t know my words, but will sense my brain waves. Maybe [he] will hear my feelings with [his] sonar. Maybe [he] will hear me calling [him] through the water… Please, come this way, over here! I shouted with my mind…

I thought as hard as I could. I didn\’t know if it would work. I didn\’t know if anyone could ever know. But I had to try something. You don\’t have to hear the words to know someone cares about you. You don\’t need to hear the words to know someone believes in you. You don\’t need to hear the words to know someone loves you. You feel it; you know it.

I projected my thoughts: be patient. Wait. Nothing is all good or all bad. As a problem develops, so does the solution. Rest here. I will tread water beside you. You will be okay. I know it. I feel it. It will all work out.\”

This is an excerpt from the book Grayson, by Lynne Cox that I just finished. I think her story is a beautiful metaphor for trusting what you feel and intuiting your way through. In Neptune\’s sea (that engulfs our consciousness) there are many ways of communicating and connecting. (Water is our spiritual conductor!) Her words are so simple, and yet so profound. She speaks of her experience helping a baby grey whale find its mother, but reveals the power of magic!

Lucid Dreaming Lessons

Russell: I\’ll give you some time to figure it out

me: thanks bub
Russell: I think that if you continue to keep a regular sleep cycle the intense dreams will happen
and sooner or later you\’ll be lucidyou just gottah live life like you are dreaming and visa versame: live life like i am dreaming?
Russell: yea, question your wakeness
\”Am I dreaming or am I awake?\” Do something while awake that you\’d only dream about
once a day
keep it simple
don\’t try
just be
just react to intuition, purely
no thought i dont know how to become lucid
it just happens
11:39 PM the more you become lucid, more chances to graduate to the next level
actually making dream-state conscious decisions.
Dreams are totally created, yet so is waking state right?

The night following this conversation, I had my first lucid moment in dream state! I was walking around my house turning off lights and generally tidying up, when I stopped in the kitchen. \”Wait… Am I dreaming?\” I asked myself. As I looked up and out the window I saw a green lawn, bright in the light of day: \”I am!\” It was just one second, that split: somewhere between the question and the answer I was propelled out, but what a great step!

I talk to another friend who has lucid dreams. Charlie\’s advice is to narrow the focus to one/two/three goals at a time (whatever number feels right). As I achieve each goal, I take the next step. The learning will unfold to me in this way. When asked for some practical tips he said, most importantly, use your own intuition, follow your heart and practice what makes sense to you. Then the ritual will be imbued with the pure power of your intention.

And finally – a great online resource for anyone: – Happy Dreaming!

Yesterday I had a great exercise in pondering the question: AM I DREAMING? Michael took me out on the four wheeler for a night ride in the fresh snow! It was so much fun! The snow lit up the night well enough that we could feel our way through the woods and over familiar trails. It also gave us the sensation that we were floating, as we rode along the path, flying over jumps and sliding around turns, spinning circles – figure eights in the snow. Oh how fluid we grew!

Our faces were exposed to the crisp open air so we could see clearly, although details dissolved in the night. The helmets we wore provided a sense of detachment (like being underwater) because our ears were covered. The bike\’s loud motor and wind whipping over made me settle in to myself – the space within – although I was hugging my brother as we moved together, sharing the experience and sometimes laughing back and forth to each other. It was a dream (for real)!

I got a sense for riding – a feeling – that I should maintain a grip firm, but flexible. And I learned to lean in or over or back, using my body weight to maneuver. Other times I felt light, like I weighed nothing at all! Sometimes I let go of concentrating on the trail and felt like I could fly right off the bike and into the air! We flowed with the trails on and onward until we got dizzy from flying around trees in the blue glow. How surreal! Great practice!

FIST to PALM: blossoming

Like every kid, I had nightmares. Sometimes the only way to shake such gripping dreams is to launch oneself into mom and dad’s bed – right in the middle, where a safe, nightmare-free haven can always be found. I could never explain these dreams with any satisfaction – even for myself! Now it seems funny that I could never rationalize what scared me so. I believe the term “giant pennies” was COINED as a poor explanation of my dream time sensation. There were no striking visuals or sounds, just a feeling. I was up against these huge blocks with an overwhelming feeling of stuckness. It seemed like things were growing and getting too big & crammed together, but what? There was nothing to make any sense of!


It has been years since this dream has recurred. But recently I re-experienced the exact, old, familiar sleep sensation. In fact, this happened several times, only now I am a young woman – no longer a child. I am working on a farm, sleeping on a twin bed in my tent in the afternoon. Since my labor is so physically exhausting, my practice has been two naps a day, and I sleep very well, if for only a short time. During one of these siestas, I again experience the uneasy sensations from my childhood. The dream is still very uncomfortable, but not nightmarish. As I float closer to waking, I become aware that what I am feeling is the actual bodily sensation of my muscles contracting. I feel my gripping fingers, hands and arms pressed together against my own body. My jaw is full of tension also. Asleep, I made myself into a big clenched knot! As a child, my parents sometimes heard me grinding my teeth in the night. Certainly this habit contributed to my dreamy discomfort. What a simple, logical explanation! Now the sensation is approachable, helping me to unlock the gripping fear of old patterns! By revealing the pattern, I release the need to repeat it. Cool!

JAN 09

I am still in the process of releasing this tension. Through practice I have noticed several things. When I unclench my fists and relax them it allows energy to flow through. This is especially essential when I am on the wintry trail riding a mountain bike. I need to maintain a relaxed grip so that I can hold on and control the bike, while also keeping my blood flow up. My circulation is improved; my hands become warm.

I have also noticed a benefit when I can relax my body in meditation. I sit, palms facing the sky, up and open (although their instinct is to close – this is necessary reconditioning after all those years) to what will come. Often in the last few months I notice a current of energy moving through my hands. It is especially strong when I am in circle, with others who help elevate healing vibrations. I know this is part of a new chapter of learning and I am open to what will come from my new awareness. I am amazed at the transformation that has come!!