PREFACE: Transient Time Traveler

JUMP ..and the net will appear (Buddha).

Accept not-knowing. Embrace mystery. Indulge the invisible!
Shedding layers (I carry all the identity I can… on my back… in a pack)
Slowing. Simplifying (Liberated. Uncommitted.).
My concentration focused in each moment (pace).
Step at a time.
Find food (walk) find camp (walk).
My mind sometimes remembers to freak out (WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!).
Safety always!
Use a public bathroom. (Don’t use the mirror!)
I return to the blankness of full presence (unravelling unconsciousness),
In this moment.

Only one grain of sand passes through the hourglass @ its narrowest point.
That is now.
There’s nothing to be done, mostly its just distraction.
Life’s gonna figure itself out, so don\’t worry,
Better just to be here now.
(I surrender to possibility.)
Back on the beach – run!
I remain in the presence of this one, divine, ever-expanding instance.
Where the patterns (cycles) of time,
Carry me.

So, I have dropped out of my role as a functioning member of society – just momentarily – to catch my breath and take a look around. I decided not to fly home to Baltimore where a cozy, loving home waits, with a nice, well-paid super supportive job setting on the side. Instead, I choose to train as a tri-athlete: couch-hopping, lawn-surfing & beach-bagging. There is a freedom here, one that I welcomed in choosing this new path. Wearing my life on my back, I face down my fears, and theirs. Some see. That is an exciting spark. That spark in me has begun to grow. I see that when I greet someone with greater enthusiasm, they mirror it back at me, and we are both expanded. It gives me the courage for the next endeavor.

I have decided that I want to remain nowhere, or now here. I have shed many layers of identification with all the distractions in life and a greater understanding of my own being. In retrospect, I see how stressed out I made myself in my east coast mentality: I wasn’t eating! This shift has catalyzed that realization. I feel cleansed, and tired, but more fully involved in each moment. It takes a lot of work just for the bare necessities, but the satisfaction is well earned at the close of each day. I’m getting down and dirty. I walk everywhere. I sleep on the beach if at all possible. And I am grateful (GRATITUDE BURSTING) with the arrival of each morning! I feel more and more grounded. I FEEL more and more!

I’ve never enjoyed the ocean so much as I do right now – never been as totally liberated & freed by its ever-changing current. Never before been healed so fully in a single moment. This is a step in/to Divinity. When I walked out the door PRACTICING CONSCIOUSNESS for a simple vacation into this new ‘scape, I never expected that I was so ripe to follow the tides and go – let my toes lift off from the earth (although they do still tip toe along the way) but I’m lifted! Base Case. Basic, simple– rustic! I’m resounding! I’m where I want to be and all I could ask for is available to me, is healed, is here, even in this moment where uncertainty abound – a great mystery (rather than a fearful thought). I’m on my own; learning through the unknown!

Any who, this rant will have to be cont’d at a later date – it is time for me to be moving along!
Listen to your personal omens,
blessed be

8/19/21: I wanted to write an updated passage here to expand on the memories I have from this really special time in my life. This was the beginning of many adventures for me as a young person out in the world on my own. I took a vacation from working at a natural pharmacy at home in Maryland. I was travelling to visit a good friend from high school who was living at Chagdud Gonpa Rigdzin Ling in Junction City, California. He worked in their little retail store and we cooked out of a communal kitchen. His girlfriend rented a house up the road and worked for the parks department. His sister lived at the gonpa too. Everyone had their own little bungalow on the land. Some were yurts, some camps and some rooms in the main house. I had my own camp site on the hill and set up my hammock there. We were both into astrology and I was leant the book, Making the Gods Work for You, by Caroline Casey. We went to a fair in the nearby town of Weaverville where my buddy and his band played music.

It was a blissful little trip, until the fires came dangerously close. We got an evacuation order and packed up to leave. On the drive down, there was no A/C in the car and the smoke was claustrophobic. When we got to the coast, the wet, salty air was a relief.

Three of us camped out in the backyard of my friend’s friend in the Sunny brae neighborhood. We met their friendly local raccoon as he visited the compost pile. We walked up into the redwood forest at night and played guitar and tambourine as we went. We put a wig on the McKinley statue in the square (which was quite a climb, especially when you are inebriated.) We visited the farmer’s market and Eureka Natural Foods. We found a yellow chalk banana while exploring thrift and book stores in Old Town Eureka. This is how I became acquainted with Humboldt County, California.

When evacuation orders lifted, my gonpa friends returned inland. My vacation was supposed to be ending, but I was inspired to keep traveling with just a backpack. I called to quit my job, extended my stay in the Sunny brae backyard for a bit, and then hiked the area- into the forest and down to the beach at Manila.

The Wheel of Life, Kubler-Ross

The basic conclusion that I drew and one that has remained unchanged is that human beings, whether rich or poor, American or Russian, have similar needs, wants and concerns. In fact, I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than love.
Real unconditional love.
You can find it in a marriage or in a simple act of kindness toward someone who needs help. But there is no mistaking love. You feel it in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heats our soul, that energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our connection to God and to each other.

Every person goes through struggle in life. Some are great and some do not seem so important. But they are lessons we have to learn. We do that through choice. In order to have a good life, and thus a good death, I tell people to make their choices with the goal of unconditional love, by asking, “What service an I rendering?”

Choice is the freedom God has given us; the freedom to grow and love.

Life is a responsibility. I had to choose whether or not to counsel a dying woman who could not afford to pay. I made my choice based on what I felt in my heart was the right thing to do, even though it cost me my job. That was fine with me. There would be other choices. Life is full of them.

Ultimately, each person chooses whether he comes out of the tumbler crushed or polished.

There is within each of us a potential for goodness beyond our imagining; for giving which seeks no reward; for listening without judgment; for loving unconditionally…

What kind of life is this? A miserable one.
By January 1997, the time of this writing, I can honestly say that I am anxious to graduate. I am very weak, in constant pain and totally dependent. According to my Cosmic Consciousness I know that if I would stop being bitter, angry & resentful of my condition and just say yes to this kind of \”end of my life,\” then I could take off and live in a better place and have a better life. But since I am very stubborn and defiant, I have to learn my final lessons the hard way. Just like everyone else.

Even with all my suffering I am still opposed to Kevorkian, who takes people\’s live prematurely simply because they are in pain or are uncomfortable. He does not understand that he deprives people of whatever last lessons they have to learn before they can graduate. Right now I am learning patience & submission. As difficult as those lessons are, I know that the Highest of the High has a plan. I know that He has a time that will be right for me to leave my body the way a butterfly leaves its cocoon. Our purpose in life is growth. There are no accidents.

I truly believe that my truth is a universal one – above all religions, economics, race and color – shared by the common experience of life. All people come from the same source and return to the same source. We must all learn to love and be loved unconditionally.

All the hardships that come to you in life, all the tribulations and nightmares, all the things you see as punishments from God, are in reality like gifts. They are an opportunity to grow, which is the sole purpose of life.

You cannot heal the world without healing yourself first.

If you are ready for spiritual experiences and you are not afraid, you will have them yourself. You do not need a guru or Baba to tell you how to do it. All of us, when we were born from the source, which I call God, were endowed with a facet of divinity. That is what gives us knowledge of our immortality.

You should live until you die.

No one dies alone. Everyone is loved beyond comprehension. Everyone is blessed and guided. It is very important that you do only what you love to do. You may be poor, you may go hungry, you may live in a shabby place, but you will totally live. And at the end of your days, you will bless your life because you have done what you came here to do.

The hardest lesson to learn is unconditional love. Dying is nothing to fear. It can be the most wonderful experience of your life. It all depends on how you have lived. Death is but a transition from this life to another existence where there is no more pain and anguish.

Everything is bearable when there is love.

My wish is that you try to give more people more love.

The only thing that lives forever is love.

-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, The Wheel of Life

Flower of Life

“The complete flower has the other two layers added, making it three dimensional. If you relax (sit three feet away from the screen) and let the flower slowly draw your eyes out of focus, the flower will open. Try and not focus on any one point, blankly stare, take the flower in as a whole. You may get a headache and itchy eyes, this will quickly disappear. We do not see with our eyes, we see through our eyes. Let your mind focus, don’t fight it.”
-Andrew Monkman

“The ‘Flower of Life’ can be found in all major religions of the world. It contains the patterns of creation as they emerged from the “Great Void”. Everything is made from the Creator’s thought. After the creation of the Seed of Life the same vortex’s motion was continued, creating the next structure known as the Egg of Life.
This structure forms the basis for music, as the distances between the spheres is identical to the distances between the tones and the half tones in music. It is also identical to the cellular structure of the third embryonic division (The first cell divides into two cells, then to four cells then to eight). Thus this same structure as it is further developed, creates the human body and all of the energy systems including the ones used to create the Merkaba. If we continue creating more and more spheres we will end up with the structure called the Flower of Life.

The Flower of Life and the Seed of Life

The flower of life holds a secret symbol created by drawing 13 circles out of the Flower of Life. By doing this, one can discover the most important and sacred pattern in the universe. This is the source of all that exists; it\’s called the Fruit of Life. It contains 13 informational systems. Each one explains another aspect of reality. Thus these systems are able to give us access to everything ranging from the human body to the galaxies. In the first system, for example, it\’s possible to create any molecular structure and any living cellular structure that exists in the universe. In short every living creature.”

In My Soul I Am Free, Twitchell

In the state of consciousness of the individual is to be found the explanation of the phenomena of life. If man’s concept of himself were different, everything in his world would be different. His concept of himself being what is it, everything in this world must be as it is.

The ideas which impel you to action are those which dominate the consciousness, those which possess the attention. To the unenlightened this will seem to be all fantasy, yet progress comes from those who do not take accepted views nor accept the world as it is. When we set out to master the movement of attention, which must be done if we would successfully alter the course of observed events, it is then we realize how little control we exercise over the mind and how much it is dominated by sensory impressions and by being set adrift on tides of other men\’s considerations and environmental moods.

A tense person is wrapped up in himself, his immediate family, the events of his past, the prospects of his future, or how he is regarded by other people. What does this tension do? It grips. It causes a stranglehold on the channels within him. It cuts off thinking. It is useless for such a person to relax physically as long as he continues to center the mind upon himself. The stranglehold will be there every minute, day and night. When we learn to love others as ourselves, the attention will be focused outwardly, and therefore we will become relaxed. There will be no stranglehold within and the mind will become free.

God gave us dominion through consciousness, and this consciousness, which is the creative principle of our body, must also be its sustaining and maintaining principle.

…The whole secret lies in the word ‘heart’ or what we call consciousness. An intellectual knowledge of the fact that God is all is of no value. The only value any truth has is in the degree of its realization.

…Act, rather, that we might give mastership qualities which are already within us. As we unfold constantly to give, we are not unfolding to have our senses acted upon. We are unfolding to give all that we and our senses are capable of giving. Then shall our lives be transformed.

Spirituality is not attained by denying the world, not by affirming the spiritual world. Spirituality is, because there has never been a time in the world, in the true world, where God, or spirituality, was not.

…If one prays for an object, or a desire, verily, it shall come unto him because his mind shall create what he desires. But the true consciousness should never be blinded by that which the intellect devises…

It is possible for anyone to change the trend of his life, not by hearing or reading truth, but by making it an active part of his consciousness in daily experience, until it becomes a habit every moment of the day, instead of an occasional thought. Let God operate in the consciousness morning, noon, and night, until gradually the actual awareness comes. Then we make the transition from being hearers of the word to being doers of the word. Then we shall gather in the harvest of souls. (70)

…The higher one climbs on the spiritual ladder, the more will he grant others their own freedom and give less interference to another\’s state of consciousness. As we mount the scale upward, the more ethical we become in our conduct. We will not make any attempt to discuss or assist in anyone\’s problem unless asked to do so, for according to spiritual law, the individual consciousness of a person is his home. A spiritual traveler cannot enter unless invited. (83)

…Many spiritual masters will act in the same manner, in never replying directly to our questions. They want us to learn how to get the answers ourselves. (102)

A man wants great powers to destroy his enemies.
“For what reason?” asked the greak ECK master.
“So that I can be free of them,” came the reply.
Rebazar Tarzs said, “My dear friend, if you destroy your enemies with such powers, it is quite certain that you would destroy yourself. So I say unto you love them, and they in turn will love you.”
The man studied this for a while.
“But then they wouldn’t be my enemies.” (106)

Concentrated attention is the key that unlocks all stores of wisdom, of truth & spirituality.

Every spiritual traveler keeps a vigilant eye upon his mental processes. When he begins to enter into the inner worlds, even to the slightest degree he must beware of his own misleading mental creations. In all of his waking consciousness he is to remember that his mind is his worst enemy, as well as his most useful instrument. But the main point is that he must keep it under control every moment.

Man must attain this state of being which is like the sun,
shining upon all alike,
yet asking nothing in return.

It is with complete Vairag [mental detachment] that one enters into the world of the Sugmad.
The tuza [soul] lives forever by giving, not by receiving. (116)

Man is a god clothed in rags. He is a master of the universe going about begging a crust of bread. He is a kind prostrated before his own servants, a prisoner walled in by his own ignorance. He could be free. He has only to walk out of his self-constructed prison, for none holds him but himself. (129)

Without imagination man remains a creature of the earth dust, a materialistic thing. Man either goes forward in him imagination or remains a prisoner of his senses (130).

-Paul Twitchell, In My Soul I Am Free

The Invisible Pyramid, Eiseley

The body is the true cosmic prison, yet it contains, in the creative individual, a magnificent if sometimes helpless giant. John Donne, speaking for that giant in each of us, said: \”Our creatures are our thoughts, creatures that are borne Gyants… My thoughts reach all, comprehend all. Inextricable mystery: I their Creator am in a close prison, in a sick bed, anywhere, and any one of my Creatures, my thoughts, is with the Sunne and beyond the Sunne, overtakes the Sunne, and overgoes the Sunne in one pace, one steppe, everywhere.

This thought, expressed so movingly by Donne, represents the final triumph of Claude Bernard’s interior microcosm in its war with the macrocosm. Inside has conquered outside. The giant confined in the body’s prison roams at will among the stars. More rarely and more beautifully, perhaps, the profound mind in the close prison projects infinite love in a finite room. This is a crossing beside which light-years are meaningless. It is the solitary key to the prison that is man.