Secret Life of Plants, Tompkins & Bird

“To Goethe the fact that the action of the root of a plant is directed earthward toward moisture and darkness, whereas the stem or trunk strives skyward in the opposite direction toward the light and the air, was a truly magical phenomenon.

To explain it, Goethe postulated a force opposite, or polar, to Newton’s gravity, to which he gave the name ‘levity.’ ‘Newton… explained to you – or at least was once supposed to explain, why an apple fell; but he never thought of explaining the exact correlative but infinitely more difficult question, how the apple got up there.’ The concept led Goethe to a picture of the earth as being surrounded and penetrated by a field of force in every respect the opposite of the earth’s gravitational field.”

-Peter Tompkins & Christopher Bird
The Secret Life of Plants

Myth of the Jalapeno Slug

Legend Has It
The Jalapeno Slug is a mythical creature that resides
In the Bagel Factory.
Bageleros are always chattering about how delicious it would be…
If such a creation existed.
Yesterday, to my surprise, someone told me that they ATE one!
Imagine that – EATING a Jalapeno Slug!?!
Seems like an awful close encounter with something that is only said to be real. 
I just can’t believe it.
Jalapeno Slugs don’t exist.
The Jala-Slug, drenched in the mystery of it\’s own reality,
Remains supernatural.
Like Bigfoot (who surely exists),
Believe at your own risk,
When the only evidence is eyewitness.
There’s just no PROOF that such a Jala-slug ever took SHAPE.*
Bakers cannot corroborate,
Leaving this story utterly incomplete. Not even the toaster is talking.
*This statement is humorous because of the double meaning. When a Shape Shifter loaves the dough into bagel form, that Bagelero places new borne bagel babes on peels to proof. \”Proofing\” a bagel means that we encourage it to grow or rise through the action of the yeast. As long as the Jala-slug never PROOFS itself to shape shifters, it has no effective way of manifesting as a reality in the bagel factory. So, there\’s just no PROOF of a Jala-slug.
If rumour has it, the Ja\’la’la-slug may have truly slithered
Cross the oven threshold to achieve immortality in the world of man.
But we can never really know,
Except in each man\’s own heart (belly) and soul.
But remember, there is a boy – a boy who believes. He was raised atop a poppy seed muffin – one of our own, here at the bagel factory (you may say he was born and BREAD here). Anyway, the boy has been here for years, and has dreamt of the Jalapeno Slug for as many years as he has been, here.
\”At last,\” he now claims, \’the dream is realized\’…
Is this boy just a muffin?
Bageleros may never know.
Whose to decide, if Ja’ tale should survive?
Seems resurrection is not A\’ PEELIN\’ for today\’s proof.
Of a Jala-slug Rebirthing,
Our muffin SON can only pray.
After that, Time will say.
When someone calls out, \”Jala – P\’s!\”
Always Jala-back with lotsa \’peno,
Cause every day\’s a Jala-day!

Infinity Bagels

bagel artistans present
Los Bageleros

Mission: Slinging bagels; spreading cheese.

Enter customer,

Who asks for a dollop of jam on his bagel, half.
In serving, I say!
“I’m sorry sir, this isn’t a dollop at all; 
It’s more of a schmear.
I hope that will do.”
Replying quickly with a smile,
“Even better. Thank you.”

\”Shape\” Shift

slug sculptor, bagel master 

Mission: We make the dough, GO ROUND

…then straighten it up again – into an honest, frank, plain-spoken slug. Mostly we mix the dough and shape it into bagel form. Some bagels get strait-laced. A slug is straight bagel. When we combine, a slug with it\’s slime, the sprinkled seasoning of everything, is INLINE, with our own unique, unswerving bagel values.

The rest of the bagels are round. We offer plain bagels, bagels with seeds, bagels specialities even, but trust me: they always make a circle. Pictured, from top to bottom: a slug, with slime and jalapeno worm,  un-proofed (Special Limited Employee Edition). And thus we have: the Tao of bagel shape (there is no Tao of bagel shape, nor are there jalapeno slugs).

Wild Man Bagelero brings students of “Jalapeno Bagels” into the Bagel Factory to meet Clink, our bagel-shaping machine. Wild Man B. asks our guests to guess how many bagels we make  in a day. Children are crowded around and peering over my stack of peels as I move newly born bagel dough onto them.

Someone calls out, “One dozen!\” and then, \”Two dozen!”

We shake our heads, \”Nope.\”
Then they cry, “Five hundred!” 
But Wild Man says, “No! It\’s more! More!”
At last, the brightest boy of all harkens, “INFINITY!” 
And he\’s right – that\’s how many bagels we make every day – infinity!
Certainly, a good enough answer for me.

If a seagull flies over the ocean, what kind of gull flies over the bay? 
A Bagel.

How many gulls fly over our bay in a day? 
5,000 bagels!