It’s the start of something great! For our new moon circle we set intentions for new projects that are getting underway. Going around the circle and sharing, I tear up over my health challenges because I feel backed up to the wall with seemingly no options left, but I found hope again.
The ladies want to quantum leverage that optimism and so, I visualize my best outcome and describe it to the circle. They listen and then one by one share with me their vision of my vibrant health.
You have a bigger smile than I’ve ever seen on you! You’re walking backwards on a trail in front of me and you’re laughing.. You are driving up to the mountains and launching a paddle board on a lake.. At the end of the day you cook a big dinner over a campfire.
I am so grateful for each of their visions of me. Now I take action on my plan!
In the morning I return calls and emails. A trip to the dental school gets added mid-morning; it takes an hour. I come home, make a smoothie, clean the house, make a gallon of tea and put wood in the fire pit. Then I go out for a doctor appointment, a client appointment and a couple errands.
I get to my first stop, step out of the car and instantly realize I am wearing fuzzy sandals NOT dress shoes! Oh Lord. Here we go.. one errand complete. Do I have time for shoe shopping? Well, no. I’m off to the doctor on schedule and with my cool.
At the store, I grab a cart and go to pickup a couple cases of coconut water. When I get to the aisle and lean down to grab a case, I realize there is no grate on the bottom of my cart. I stand there looking around at ALL the other shoppers who got carts equipped with a grate. Great. I load two cases into the cart and keep on trucking.
At my client’s house, I own the slipper slip up and we all have a good laugh about it. I get home with enough time for a breather before all my favorite ladies show up for snacks and magic in the back yard!
We are all around the fire pit. All in! We meditate and share what we are releasing at this full moon before burning our written words in the fire. As the papers begin to burn… someone starts hollering and demanding we put out the fire!
There’s a magnetism to the world we live in that balances polarizing energies. The universe just flexed on us in our happy place. We all sit there, stunned but smiling.
A couple minutes later, the voice starts again, “There’s smoke in my house! It’s 100 degrees, why do you even need a fire? I’m going to call the fire department!”
Everyone is looking at me because it is my house, but I avoid getting involved and instead sit silently. Eventually, one of us says, “It will be out in a little bit. Have a good night!” We continue, but are then distracted by the sound of running water…
We look across the fire at each other and up at the wall, laughing nervously and wondering if we are about to be hosed down by an unofficial fire department!
Another stint of verbal battery comes over the wall. Someone suggests she close her door and windows. She retorts that it is coming through her A/C intake. She wants to breathe air, not smoke! Then moments later the grande finale, “The fire department has been called! Have a good night!”
We close our circle by sharing what we’re leaving behind and what we’re taking with us before saying, “I’m out!” I hose down the fire myself and try to send loving and compassionate thoughts over the wall as I do. I’m not angry, just disappointed that the hot firemen were a no show.
My spirit animal for May
This day is a microcosm of the last month leading up to the lunar eclipse. Many challenges: a root canal, a hang over, a sun burn. I’ve been to the dental school 7 out of 17 days in May and at least as many in April. It’s been exhausting but I meet each adversity with calm and acceptance. I am gaining confidence that no one can disturb my peace- not even myself!
I’m strong, but I am also kind to myself. What is the choice that is best for my well being? By taking care of myself, I have more love to give the world and less reactive energy pent up. I can stay calm when my buttons are pushed or when the symptoms of anxiety I know so well randomly stop by for a visit.
This is me making it!
Everyone has gone to bed, but my cortisol levels are amped. One sound and I wake to my own personal hell, for which I alone am responsible. There’s a big bag of anxiety that I’ve packed away for myself and it just got loose when I was no longer distracted by doing things.
Hello anxiety my old friend, you’ve come to talk with me again. You found me alone here in the dark. You have my full attention.
It starts with a runny nose and teary eyes, then nausea, shortness of breath, sharp cramps, hot flashes, heart palpitations and ends with me lying by the toilet hanging onto each moment as I ride the ups and downs of this human experience. I feel out of control and like life itself is being squeezed out of me.
I have ridden this ride several times a year since 2020. Now, I work to carefully deactivate the triggers by calling them out and leaving them powerless over me. “I know what this is!” I silently shout to my anxiety. “I am safe. I am protected.” I breathe. I surrender to the moment. Fear does not control me when I claim my sovereignty. Slowly, the waves receed, discomfort subsides and I am able to fall asleep.
Each challenge transforms into an opportunity if you have a key. It’s something to work on. It’s coming up for me. It’s uncomfortable but true! I’m listening to the message. I’m not reacting but I am responding in new ways that serve my highest good!
We are bird-sitting this week and noticing a lot of bird stuff. I am watching a show called Ghost Town Terror on Trvl channel. The show investigates haunted houses that have dead birds trapped inside.
Then I’m driving around playing my latest greatest Grateful Dead mix on Spotify and it smart shuffles a song called Bird In A House by Railroad Earth. Now this got my attention! I mean, this is not a common theme for a song, right?
Bird in a house
When I arrive at my craniosacral session today, there are a pair of quail with five little babies just inside the gate.
I get to Iko’s house and on the front walkway is a huge brown pile of bird poop. There was so much, it had splattered onto the side of the house! I tell Iko to look and she says that was not there ten minutes ago! Whatever bird was leaving from or landing on the house, they must’ve left that just for me. How nice.
As I pull out of the driveway at the end of my session, the quail family is making its way through the yard.
We are at the Home and Garden show and need to get across the exhibit hall to the compost talk. Jason is buying rocks at a booth and showing the lady photos of his rocks. I let him know we need to go and then walk down the aisle to wait for him to finish. We are fifteen minutes late. As we walk together across the hall, he tells me to relax.
“I AM relaxed,” I assure him.
We enjoy the talk which is funny and informative (apparently I need a thermometer for my compost pile.)
Later, we are in a candy shop with novelty socks. I read aloud the pair that first catches my eye, “Bitch, I AM relaxed.” We look at each other and smile.
New pieces call for a Marie Kondo of my altar! La Magdalene infuses the divine feminine into her vessels and I love it!
Light and dark, yin and yang, the magnetism of the universe plays on my table in seashells and stones, smudge sticks and selenite, purple slag and Paulo Santo.
I have two mantis egg sacs from Arbico Organics out of Tucson, AZ. After a couple weeks, they hatch and crawl all over looking for a good meal, which is your garden pests!
On the first day after release I use the hose to water nearby and watch them drink the droplets of water.
Every day I go outside to play where’s waldo with my mantis kids. By the third day, I can hardly find any except a handful of crispy babies that didn’t make it.
There are about four mantis children in my herb garden. Usually I find them on the rosemary and squash; today I found them in the chard and lemon balm.
Mantis egg sacsFree the mantis!Mantis having a drinkMantis on chardMantis on squashMantis on lemon balm
Space Case 