It’s been a day!
In the morning I return calls and emails. A trip to the dental school gets added mid-morning; it takes an hour. I come home, make a smoothie, clean the house, make a gallon of tea and put wood in the fire pit. Then I go out for a doctor appointment, a client appointment and a couple errands.
I get to my first stop, step out of the car and instantly realize I am wearing fuzzy sandals NOT dress shoes! Oh Lord. Here we go.. one errand complete. Do I have time for shoe shopping? Well, no. I’m off to the doctor on schedule and with my cool.
At the store, I grab a cart and go to pickup a couple cases of coconut water. When I get to the aisle and lean down to grab a case, I realize there is no grate on the bottom of my cart. I stand there looking around at ALL the other shoppers who got carts equipped with a grate. Great. I load two cases into the cart and keep on trucking.
At my client’s house, I own the slipper slip up and we all have a good laugh about it. I get home with enough time for a breather before all my favorite ladies show up for snacks and magic in the back yard!
We are all around the fire pit. All in! We meditate and share what we are releasing at this full moon before burning our written words in the fire. As the papers begin to burn… someone starts hollering and demanding we put out the fire!
There’s a magnetism to the world we live in that balances polarizing energies. The universe just flexed on us in our happy place. We all sit there, stunned but smiling.
A couple minutes later, the voice starts again, “There’s smoke in my house! It’s 100 degrees, why do you even need a fire? I’m going to call the fire department!”
Everyone is looking at me because it is my house, but I avoid getting involved and instead sit silently. Eventually, one of us says, “It will be out in a little bit. Have a good night!” We continue, but are then distracted by the sound of running water…
We look across the fire at each other and up at the wall, laughing nervously and wondering if we are about to be hosed down by an unofficial fire department!
Another stint of verbal battery comes over the wall. Someone suggests she close her door and windows. She retorts that it is coming through her A/C intake. She wants to breathe air, not smoke! Then moments later the grande finale, “The fire department has been called! Have a good night!”
We close our circle by sharing what we’re leaving behind and what we’re taking with us before saying, “I’m out!” I hose down the fire myself and try to send loving and compassionate thoughts over the wall as I do. I’m not angry, just disappointed that the hot firemen were a no show.
This day is a microcosm of the last month leading up to the lunar eclipse. Many challenges: a root canal, a hang over, a sun burn. I’ve been to the dental school 7 out of 17 days in May and at least as many in April. It’s been exhausting but I meet each adversity with calm and acceptance. I am gaining confidence that no one can disturb my peace- not even myself!
I’m strong, but I am also kind to myself. What is the choice that is best for my well being? By taking care of myself, I have more love to give the world and less reactive energy pent up. I can stay calm when my buttons are pushed or when the symptoms of anxiety I know so well randomly stop by for a visit.
Everyone has gone to bed, but my cortisol levels are amped. One sound and I wake to my own personal hell, for which I alone am responsible. There’s a big bag of anxiety that I’ve packed away for myself and it just got loose when I was no longer distracted by doing things.
Hello anxiety my old friend, you’ve come to talk with me again. You found me alone here in the dark. You have my full attention.
It starts with a runny nose and teary eyes, then nausea, shortness of breath, sharp cramps, hot flashes, heart palpitations and ends with me lying by the toilet hanging onto each moment as I ride the ups and downs of this human experience. I feel out of control and like life itself is being squeezed out of me.
I have ridden this ride several times a year since 2020. Now, I work to carefully deactivate the triggers by calling them out and leaving them powerless over me. “I know what this is!” I silently shout to my anxiety. “I am safe. I am protected.” I breathe. I surrender to the moment. Fear does not control me when I claim my sovereignty. Slowly, the waves receed, discomfort subsides and I am able to fall asleep.
Each challenge transforms into an opportunity if you have a key. It’s something to work on. It’s coming up for me. It’s uncomfortable but true! I’m listening to the message. I’m not reacting but I am responding in new ways that serve my highest good!