COUNT ‘EM: 24!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
I’ve been feeling disconnected recently. Being able to spend the weekend with you was the greatest birthday gift I could have asked for and you made it so very special! It was wonderful. But since you returned to Eureka, I have found loneliness magnified. I inhabit a whole house, all to myself, on 400 acres plopped down amongst expansive woodland and populated by creatures of every kind! Now I will admit: the animal friends, I do not mind. Their mystic energy enraptures me!
I am embracing the wilderness …perhaps because it is all that I can do at the moment. It delights and scares me – this tiny human in awe of its majesty. As I sit in the living room at night I wonder: who is looking in? Rattlesnake, scorpion, bat, bear or owl: the nocturne awakens and thrives. Coming across a dying fawn is an uncomfortable situation to face. “But remember,” I remind, “I did put myself here.” It’s a bit like clipping rosemary for dry all afternoon. The experience tests your patience, but if you sit through it, doors open. After all, I talked to you!
Family has been trying to get in touch, more and more as their messages get ignored. The image they have is of this young woman somewhere on the opposite side of the country traveling with only her pack having her back. They live with the not knowing, as do I. But to them, I am gone (lost) and they have no control. To me, I am right here at the very least!
It is so difficult – impossible, really – to photograph the sensation of the sun on one’s back in the garden, explain the experience of a place, or simulate all the layers of awareness that make up what it feels to be here. Dimensions are shed when the media changes, and the reality gets lost in translation. You just had to be there, omnisciently!
I hesitate to even attempt expressing the magnitude of this journey. I procrastinate more and more about calling someone, or writing a blog entry, even taking a picture! What could I say? How to convey? I put it off, put it off again and again, delaying response, delaying reaction. Instead, I just AM. A lot of times that is enough. I surrender to the ebb and flow of the world before me. I am learning how to dance in the current. It is magic! I am living my dreams!
The Camps are a truly genuine couple who built an oasis of mythological proportions from a clear cut mountainside! Walter and Jane are pioneers. Their livelihood comes from sharing this vision with people in the most tolerant and caring way. I have tremendous reverence for the way they generously welcome and provide for people on their land in the woods, again and again without bitterness. The harmony here is honed in its forty years of happening. On arrival, I am given their trust and my own freedom. I find a magnitude of magic in this wonderland of knowledge and art, in an action that sustains us!
The garden is my safe haven. Each day I love it with increased zeal; it grows on me. The energy is tremendous! When there are three hundred people roaming the property, I go there to find comfort and peace. When I am alone, I often sing. I mix with the strawberries. I listen to boys playing in the ivy cave. I duck occasionally when a hummingbird zooms overhead. I practice patience: ruminating at my task for hours on end, only Aegopodium listening. I serve a sustainable mission by taking care of a plant’s need and receiving the food it gives me in return. Not only do I learn the language of the flora, I am given the creative freedom to shape its aesthetic. We resonate with one another! While communing with plants, one of my favorite tasks is to massage the soil. When my hands have touched the whole bed, it is renewed and beautiful!
In a moment, I can channel this energy into an expression of fine art, which mimics the actual experience of being. This is my means of sharing, communicating, & celebrating the beauty that I see with fellow company and east coast stylee. OR, I can wait a week. And then what I thought I saw all looks entirely different! As it fades into distant past, the perception perceives itself, becoming an entirely new perspective – one that could not have been imagined! Revising eternally, I am overfull with the wonders of life!
There is an exquisite rhythm maintained in this microcosm on the mountain. There is an abundance of both community and solitude; they co-exist is perfect balance. Bustling with creative freedom, our actions are always inspired because we choose this! Each a unique voice and creator! I’ve got the energy ball rolling and I am a prophet! I sit back in wonder to watch will(its) manifest.
Looking ahead but trying not to get there before myself. Nice, easy pace. I don’t rush or worry about what will happen next. I wait to see! When I push myself through the discomfort of not knowing, I emerge on the other side not needing to know. I am happily surprised to learn the way I will get by! For the present, I am simply here, now. What will be, is, and is beautiful indeed. Still, I want to be where all I see is you, but I guess I’m supposed to spend some more time in the rosemary patch. This is increasingly Okay with me. The outside world is still there and it still loves me. The connections are just as strong, but there is a slightly severe delay on all communications in and out. This affords time for personal reflection, to be sure! I am grounded, presently.
We shall meet soon, tumbling through the universe like the time traveling bears that tramps through my dreams, guided and gripped in the awestruck embrace of mother earth as she spins through space! And so it is. Blessed be.