We\’re brought up in a culture that tells us, \”You are what you do.\” When people say, \”Tell me about yourself,\” we immediately talk about career, as if that is a complete and perfect definition of who and what we are. In many parts of the East this is not the case. Someone will say, \”Tell us about yourself. Are you a painter?\” And the response will be, \”No, I paint, but I am not a painter.\” There\’s recognition of the separation between who the person is and the activity they\’re performing. They are a person and they are just doing something. That was a big lesson for me, recognizing that I am something other than, and maybe more important than, what I do. To learn not to define myself by what I do for a living, and that my work is an outgrowth of who I am, rather than it being the reason for who I am. That\’s one of the main things I got from studying Eastern thought.

One of the worst aspects of fame is that is can start to solidify your picture of yourself. It can turn you into something static and lifeless. The perfect opposite of that was Picasso, who redefined himself with every new picture. He kept changing styles. He didn\’t seem to give a damn how he was going over, or what a specific gallery would want from him. Fame, in its worst aspect, defines for the person who they want to continue being and it can deprive you of your growth. Either you\’re growing or your decaying; there\’s no middle ground. Even if you\’re standing still, you\’re decaying.

So! I have been paying more attention to dream messages. By bringing them to the surface, they begin to weave in and out of waking states, fluidly intertwined, emerging & sinking in the sea of consciousness. I take a more intentional grasp of my reality, on the path to lucid dreaming, where waking and sleep states are interchangeable – all one!

Sometimes I dream in the day. These tiny retreats allow the mind to rest and process. Dreams are fun because they tap into the mystical elements of life. Anything is possible in dream state, and often the most bizarre elements combine & stir it up (one’s imagination). But then again, wild things happen in waking state too!

My earliest memory disguised itself as a dream for many years because it seemed to unreal to have actually happened! First, I am in an ambulance bed. There are trees, green – all blurred in movement – outside the windows. Nan Nan is beside the bed, up and to the right. I can\’t see her, but I feel her presence. It is very simple. There is no pain; I am just aware. She is sending love and I am reassured by this feeling. That is my only sensation. The world rushes by, but really it is our caravan that moves so quickly.

Then there is another scene. The same one actually, but I am floating up in the corner of the ambulance looking down on myself in the bed. I can see Nan nan! This affirms that she really is there! Good! I can see outside the ambulance as it rushes down a road, surrounded by lush, green trees. Perhaps this is Dolfield, the road in the woods that is so familiar. This experience where I am outside my body makes me sure that this must be a dream. Besides, I\’ve never been sick in an ambulance…

One day I share the dream with dad. To my amazement, he tells me that this actually happened! My grandparents were babysitting. I was two years old with such a severe fever that my eyes rolled back into my head and I had a seizure. 911! Pop pop stayed with brother Michael, while Nan Nan rode with me to the hospital. This dreamy memory turns out to be my first out of body experience – like whoa!

My second out of body experience was magical. I was sitting with my mom and a close friend, Paula, who was channeling spirit; both of these women are blessed with gifts and an awareness that connects them to lofty spiritual planes. It was at a time in my life where I was very content, and so I was present in the stillness of NOW… (see next post)